My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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