meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
