Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
