I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
