I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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