wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
