ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
