she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
