I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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