By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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