Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
