I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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