Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
