she was so not down for the gang bang
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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