We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
