don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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