she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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