I need help removing her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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