he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
