Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
