just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
