Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
