you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
