If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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