omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
