3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize