I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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