My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
