When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
