After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
