So drunk its hurt
Say something about gay babies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
