he thought i was a dude.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
