so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
