I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize