i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
