if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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