there's paper in my vomit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
