I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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