you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
