I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize