Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
