Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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