So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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