pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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