He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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