dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
