last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
