the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
