How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
