I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
