Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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