my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
