I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
