What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
