and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
