i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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