I feel great
I just peed on a car
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
