Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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