Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
