We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
