Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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