last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize