margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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