I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
