Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
