his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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