We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
