headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
