At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
