Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
