did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
