Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
