My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Two words: nipple clamps
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