I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
