his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
