so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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