She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize