i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
