This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
