you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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