so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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