whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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