Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
