ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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