i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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