I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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