Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
