I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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