I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My pussy is not your playground.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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