I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
