i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize