He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
