I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
