I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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