I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
