I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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