just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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