Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
