ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
