Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
