Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
