I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
