does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
