I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
