I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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