So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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