I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
