you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
soo... how was my night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
