bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize