found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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