I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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